I am 27 years old and have spent my entire life trying very hard to get where I am today. What I thought should have been an inspirational story has only taken a downward plunge in to the abyss of ennui. Warning: I often tend to exaggerate, especially situations concerning my unhappiness. I should be content with what I have and what I am. Easily said than done for me though. Ok, what on earth am I trying to write down here?? Not your typical greeting now, is it? Well, moving on. I just want to let the world know why I created this blog and what I hope to gain by sitting and typing on my computer on a fairly regular basis.
Having spent the last 3 years trying to crack down the mystery of the bacterial world of biofilms, I have hit what can only be described as a premature middle age crisis. Right from my childhood all I wanted to be was be a world class scientist. I was your average middle class kid with the unrealistic dream of winning the big N ( Nobel prize,duh!). Funnily enough my lovely parents and my wonderful brother still think I am about to hit that thing one day. Talk about being delusional! So, here’s the story. Kid crams night and day, scores very high grades- joins college and gets a degree. That’s not the end,no! As if one master’s degree would not be enough went on to do another. Family proud! Even prouder when she joins the PhD program which was bound to take her to new heights on her path to join the elite scientists who would shape up the world. ERROR!! SYSTEM MALFUNCTION!!! DELUSION OVERLOAD!!
What went wrong??? Well, to begin with, I got one of the toughest projects to base my thesis on. I work with bacteria. For anyone working with an eukaryotic system i.e. anything that can be seen with eyes, can bite, can be anesthetized and can thus be murdered cold blooded(exaggeration, of course), my work belongs to the out of date world of basic science. To hell with them! I work with pathogenic staphylococci and I thought my line of work would one day be helpful in finding therapeutics in the fight against the ever so threatening minions of nature’s weapons department. So I embarked on it with ambitions running high. Three years in to research, constant failure has dampened my spirits and left me questioning my worth as a scientist. To add insult to the injury, there has been no proper summer ever since I set foot in Germany. It’s all been just gloom for me.
I am well renowned for being a grumpy git. I sulk very often and the last three years have only amplified my irate attitude towards everything. I love talking on the skype with my parents, my bro and his lovely little daughter,Meenu. They are my true inspiration.They motivate me and lift my hopes with their smile and words. A recent talk with the above mentioned family, an incidence, a solo travel were all it took to completely change my attitude. I have finally realized that life is just way too short to be spent cribbing, complaining and fretting over failures!! Instead of waiting for a successful moment to bring happiness, a human being has certainly got to cherish every day break. Gee, I sound like those crazy motivational speakers who would say anything for money. Alright, alright…. I shall make the statement… I want to make the best out of my life! There, I said it!!
As a child I dreamed of becoming a scientist who would strive hard to make her world a better a place to live in. A doctorate degree alone is not my ticket to that dream (hard hit realization). Now wait a minute, this is total bonkers!!! How the fridge is this blog going to help me with my career?? I have no clue. I had this instinct to just pen down my thoughts. Maybe jotting down can help bring focus in ones life? How the frack should I know? I ain’t no shrink,dude!! A personal diary should suffice you would say. But hey, who does not enjoy the limelight,eh? There might just be one other human being or a dog or a cat that might just accidentally stumble upon my ramblings and find it interesting (High Hopes) and ergo bring a smile on my face. Plus, I really want to let people know how hard it is to be a researcher, more specifically, a PhD student.
Here’s what to expect from my entries:
Alright, let me not get carried away. Let me see if I can get the posts coming! I wouldn’t be surprised if this blog is left covered up with virtual cobwebs by the time I make the next entry. Like the Indian politicians, I might not keep up with my promises. I am sure no one is going to despair because of my laziness. This actually is a personal challenge to stay in touch with my love for writing and babbling endlessly. I just hope something good can come out of it in someway and help me carry on with my brand new attitude!
To quote Bricktop (from Snatch), ” Put a lid on her, Turkish; before she gets bitten.” I shall end my hello here!
P.S. I watch way too much television. I am addicted to movies! I might just end up writing movie reviews after all!!